Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, 'My son is a priest'. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him? 'Father'.

The second Catholic man chirps, 'My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace''.

The third Catholic gent says, 'My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic man chirps, 'My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness''.

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal! To kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

A Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Learning Alfabet The Punjaabi Way!

A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building

The Best Tequila Ever!

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly, out of the bottle comes a Genie.

The Mexican is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."

Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me piss tequila."

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Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
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Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
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Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
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My teacher said I was being disrespectful. She'd asked us what our favorite animal was, and I'd said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right. Everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

Each Friday night after work, Bubbal Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of Bubbal's neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Bubbal, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubbal attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, ''You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Bubbal's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubbal's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'