He said
Want a quickie?
She said
As opposed to what?

He said
I don’t know why you wear a bra; there's nothing in it.
She said
You wear briefs, don’t you?

He said
Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said
Not at all honey. I'd love you no matter who left you the money.

He said
This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!
She said
Sorry. Let me get you some that is.

She said
What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said
It’s not my fault. I ran out of money.

He said
Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way possible.
She said
You succeeded!

Priest
I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said
Who’s gonna look?

He said
With your flat chest and unshaven legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said
No. Have you?

He said
Why do you women try to impress us with your looks instead of your brains?
She said
Because there is a much bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind!

He said
What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said
Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said
Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
She said
Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the light on.

He said
Two inches more and I'd be king!
She said
Two inches less and you'd be queen!

She said
Seen on ladies room wall: "My husband follows me everywhere."
He said
Written just below it: "I do not."

He said
Shall we try switching positions tonight?
She said
Good idea! You stand by the ironing board while I sit in front of the TV and fart.

He said
Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said
Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said
Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said
I would, but you’re never there!