He says: "I can't find it."
He means: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

He says: "That's women's work."
He means: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.

He says: "Will you marry me?"
He means: My roommates have moved out, the laundry is piling up, and I have no idea about grocery shopping.

He says: "It's a guy thing."
He means: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

He says: "Can I help with dinner?"
He means: Why isn't it already on the table?

He says: "It would take too long to explain."
He means: I have no idea how it works.

He says: "I'm getting more exercise lately."
He means: The batteries in the remote are dead.

He says: "We're going to be late."
He means: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

He says: "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
He means: I can't hear the commentary because of the vacuum cleaner.

He says: "That's interesting dear."
He means: Are you still talking?

He says: "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
He means: I forgot our anniversary again.

He says: "You expect too much from me."
He means: You expect me to stay awake?

He says: "It's really a good movie."
He means: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.

He says: "You know how bad my memory is."
He means: I remember the address of the first girl I kissed and the registration number of every vehicle I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

He says: "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
He means: The salesgirl selling them was a real babe.

He says: "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
He means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

He says: "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
He means: Oops! What did you catch me at?

He says: "She's one of those rabid feminists."
He means: She refused to make my coffee.

He says: "I heard you."
He means: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

He says: "You know I could never love anyone else."
He means: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

He says: "You really look terrific in that outfit."
He means: Please don't try on any more outfits, I'm starving.

He says: "I missed you."
He means: I can't find my socks, the kids are hungry, and we've run out of groceries.

He says: "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
He means: No one will ever see us alive again.

He says: "This relationship is getting too serious."
He means: I like you almost as much as I like my car or bike.

He says: "I don't need to read the instructions."
He means: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.