Humor Articles

Humor: for those over 50 years: question & answer

vikas gupta May 6, 2012

Q: Where can single men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-50 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go ...

Car language

Sunny May 6, 2012

A daughter asked her dad "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand.
He said that I have a beautiful chassis, 2 lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Dad says "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and pulls out his dipstick to check the oil,
 I will give him such a service that his motor will cease and his exhaust will fall off"

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Smart Answers

Ragini Khanna May 1, 2012

1- Principal : Are u chewing gum?
Student : No i m human being...:

2- Wife :we are having mother for dinner tonight?
Husband : Make sure she is well cooked

3- Father :shameful results! Do u always get such low marks?
Son : No, only when i give exams

4- Guest :Will these stairs take me to the 2nd floor?
Boy :No, u'll have to walk as well

5- Girl : I have changed my mind.
Boy :Thank God! Does the new one  work ?

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Software Engineer's day - Must read

Sunny Oct 25, 2011

A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.

(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )

Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: ...

WHY A STUDENT FAILS ?

Shilpa Oct 25, 2011

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year has ONLY 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student.

1. Sundays-52,Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 130 days.
Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies(chew properly & eat)-means 30days.
Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days !
Days left 81.

7. Exam days per year atleast 35 days.
Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, ...

Taxis in India - Safety Tips During Taxi and Auto Rides

Soni Sep 30, 2011

A major mode of local transportation in India is covered by auto rickshaws or taxis. They are economical and can get you to your destination as quickly as possible. The everyday masses use auto rickshaws and taxis and they play an integral role in the transportation system.

Auto rickshaws can be found all over the country but taxis are limited to the metros. While traveling by taxis in India, there are a number of safety measures that you should follow.
Checking the Number Plate of the Vehicle

It is very important to note down the number of the taxi or auto before getting into one. You should also make sure that the vehicle is authorized to drive around the city. Most auto rickshaws in India are registered but there could be a few exceptions.

Mr Bean

Rekha Jul 25, 2011

1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumour.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Woman's Ultimate Fantasy

Sunny Jul 24, 2011

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, When the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered. He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear. "I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice. "

British Gujrati Complaints

vikas gupta Jul 23, 2011

These are extracts from actual letters sent to Leicester Council and other Housing associations written by Britain's Gujarati's:-

  1. I want some repairs done to my wife's cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
  2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in my back passage.
  3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
  4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
  5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
  6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

Humor to Start a Day

Sunny Jul 10, 2011

The sign that you are in love is when you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan.

==
The difference between the young age and old age is when all your Darling's phone numbers have been replaced with Doctor's phone numbers.

==
In the Young age you feel you have infinite life ahead of you and In the Old age you start seeing the end this infinite life.

==
The popularity of facebook is exploited on the principle that people are always more interested in other people's life than their own.

MY DOCTOR...

Vishwas Jun 20, 2011

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years Before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

Rekha Jun 12, 2011

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

DEAD LOCK

Shilpa Jun 9, 2011

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Ultimate Rajini Facts

Shilpa Jun 4, 2011
  • RECENTLY CHINA AIRPORTS WERE CLOSED DUE TO HEAVY FOG ........ LATER IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT RAJANIKANTH WAS SMOKING IN INDIA !!!!!!!!!!
  • RAJANIKANTH DID HIS KG FROM SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES..TODAY THOSE PLACES ARE KNOWN AS IITs!!!!!!
  • GOVERNMENT OF INDIA PAYS TAX TO RAJANIKANTH FOR LIVING IN INDIA!!!!!!!
  • DEFINITION OF SOLAR ECLIPSE: WHEN RAJANIKANTH STARES AT SUN WITH ANGER, SUN HIDES BEHIND THE MOON. THIS GREATEST PHENOMENA IS CALLED SOLAR ECLIPSE.........!!!!!
  • RAJANIKANTH WOKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDED HE SHOULD SHARE ATLEAST ONE PERCENT OF HIS KNOWLEDGE WITH THE WORLD...... THUS....................... THE GOOGLE WAS BORN!!!!
  • THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF RAJANI WOULD HAVE BORN 150 YEARS AGO..????? BRITISH WOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR INDEPENDANCE....

Darling Husband....A sweet letter from a Darling wife

Sunny May 30, 2011

To my Darling Husband

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from the supermarket, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car

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