Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever
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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.
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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes? "
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.
"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
The most challenging and rewarding things you'll ever do...A woman needs to feel as though she is the Love of your life.
Steps
1. Choose a great wife carefully. Then...
2. Tell her you love her when you hang up the phone with her, leave her, and generally as much as possible without being annoying or cheapening the phrase. You never know when your time is up so always remember to make sure she knows how much you love her!
3. Always greet your wife with a hug and kiss that says that you're happy to see her and do the same when you leave her to say you will miss her.
4. Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up "100" percent! Be prepared to talk with her about how she feels, (and, yes, how you feel, too).
Steps
1. Enjoy pleasing him.Laughter keeps a marriage strong. Men like to be appreciated even after you've married them. To do so well, be a well-rounded, pleasing person yourself.
2. Have as your goal for each small interaction of your day, to leave him with a good feeling. Be supportive. Be nice. Be kind.
3. Listen to his day and share yours. Being married also means being intimate. Intimacy does not always have to include sex. Intimacy is listening to one another and feeling comfortable enough to tell one another anything.
4. Support him and try to understand his needs, a man likes nothing more than an understanding and an equally compromising wife.
5. Don't show him even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. It is fine to disagree with him, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling.
SMART ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'
ONE day, as Buddha was sitting under a banyan tree, a young woman went weeping to him with a dead child in her hands. 'Lord,' she said, 'my first-born, my only child, is dead. Take pity on me and bring it back to life.' And she wept as if her heart would break. The Blessed One knew the futility of reasoning with her in her then frame of mind. So he told her, 'Daughter, bring a handful of gingili seeds from a person none of whose relations have died, and I shall bring your child back to life.'
The young mother was overjoyed at this seemingly simple request She put her dead child tenderly on the lap of the world-teacher and went to the adjacent village. Her experience of the world was so little that she did not know the impossible nature of her quest. She went first to a house and knocked at the door. A young woman came.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor´s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don´t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don´t burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.
Don´t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs.
Despite fast losing ground in the state politics because of his double standard on Telangana, Telugu Desam party president N Chandrababu Naidu is taking every care in not losing the grip over N T Rama Rao family.
The marriage proposal for Jr NTR was made by Naidu himself, so that the family would not slip out of his control in future even if the party plunges into doldrums. Naidu knows that there is a wide gap of 10 years in the ages of Lakshmi Pranathi and Jr NTR and yet, came out with the proposal only to ensure that the young hero would remain under his control.
The girl is said to be madly in love with Jr NTR and she had conveyed the same through her father Narne Srinivas, who happens to be husband of Naidu’s niece Mallika. Now that Jr NTR’s mother is being accepted as one of the family members of NTR, there was no objection to anybody. And Naidu saw it as an excellent opportunity to retain his hold on the family.
