In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained a few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered. The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you
delivering bananas to me?'

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late...

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" Asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project" said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

I have a Microsoft waiter

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church.

One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation.

He took Charlie aside and questioned him.

Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.

The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."

A Priest meets his friend, the Rabbi, and says to him, "You have taught me many things but there is one thing in particular I want to learn very much but you do not wish to teach it to me. I want you to teach me the Talmud."

The Rabbi replied: "You are a Non-Jew and you have the brain of a Non-Jew. There is no chance that you will succeed in understanding the Talmud."

But the Priest continued in his attempt to persuade the Rabbi to teach him the Talmud.

Finally, the Rabbi agreed. The Rabbi then said to the Priest: "I agree to teach you the Talmud on condition that you answer one question."

The Priest agreed and asked the Rabbi, "What is the question?"

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

' Hal lo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'

21st Century.... Are we becoming less by the day ?

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless

These will be titles of some of the Telugu movies when dubbed in Telangana.

1. Narasimha Naidu - Narsing Yadav
2. Parugu - Uruku
3. Akkada Ammayi Ikkada Abbayi - Aada Pori Eeda Poragaadu
4. Siddu from Srikakulam - Mallesh from Malkajgiri
5. Chaala baagundi - Zabardastundi

6. Avunanna Kadanna - Au Malla Le Malla
7. Sankranti - Bonalu
8. Ammayilu Abbayilu - Porlu Poragaallu
9. Palnati Brahmanaidu - Karimnagar KCR
10. Naari Naari Naduma Murari - Pori Pori Madhyana Tiwari

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever

************

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.

************

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?