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7:T416,data:image/svg+xml;utf8,%3Csvg%20width%3D%2232%22%20height%3D%2232%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%2032%2032%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20role%3D%22img%22%20aria-label%3D%22Avatar%20for%20Cute%20Girl%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Crect%20width%3D%22100%25%22%20height%3D%22100%25%22%20fill%3D%22hsl(183%2C%2067%25%2C%2047%25)%22%20rx%3D%223.2%22%20%2F%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Ctext%20x%3D%2250%25%22%20y%3D%2250%25%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-family%3D%22sans-serif%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-size%3D%2212.8%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-weight%3D%22bold%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20fill%3D%22%23FFFFFF%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20dominant-baseline%3D%22central%22%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20style%3D%22user-select%3A%20none%3B%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20CG%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3C%2Ftext%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%3C%2Fsvg%3E8:T1b7a,<ol>
<li>
<p>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Movie nudity is virtually always female.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You know stuff about tanks.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Monday Night Football.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can open all of your own jars.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>All your orgasms are real.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Guy in hockey masks don't attack you ... unless you're playing hockey.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can go to the bathroom without a support group.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Your last name stays put.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can leave the hotel bed unmade.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can kill your own food.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>The garage is all yours.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You never have to clean a toilet.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Sex means never worrying about your reputation.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Wedding plans take care of themselves.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>The National College Cheerleading Championship</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to shave below your neck.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can write your name in the snow.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Chocolate is just another snack.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can be president.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Flowers fix everything.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You never have to worry about other people's feelings.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can wear a white shirt to a water park.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can eat a banana in a hardware store.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can say anything and not worry about what people think.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Foreplay is optional.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Car mechanics tell you the truth.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>The world is your urinal.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You get to jump up and slap stuff.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>One mood, all the time.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You never have to drive on to another gas station because "this one's just too gross."</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Same work...more pay!</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't mooch off of other's desserts.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>If you retain water, it's in a canteen.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>The remote control is yours and yours alone.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>ESPN's SportsCenter.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Someday you'll be a dirty old man.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Princess Di's death was just another obituary.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>Baywatch</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>There's always a game on somewhere</p>
</li>
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