"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Raja speaking.
Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air India.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village.
Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even
terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off.
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary DARU and Wada pau.
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there
really is a God.
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie ( Ghar Ghar Ki Khani and Kyuki Saas bhi ) will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television.
However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie
will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early
warning system on the engines telling us to slow down.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If
however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat.
And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
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