Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience :- The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher :- A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in RO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician :- One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
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