Five Things Single Women Hate To Hear
1) What’s Said: “Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.”
What’s Heard: “This can come off sounding like you’re passing judgment on effort,” says Anderson. “It’s better to encourage a single person to explore new relationships to the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced.”
2) What’s Said: “Wear more makeup.”
What’s Heard: More than implying that the search for Mr. Right is as easy as brushing a spot of color onto the cheeks, this comment offends further by actually attacking a person’s core identity.
“A woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful. Whether her style is glamorous belle or au naturelle, every woman should be allowed to be herself. There’s a man out there who is going to be attracted to her style, whatever it is. If she’s presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, that’s false advertising and that’s going to backfire.”
3) What’s Said: “Get back out there!”
What’s Heard: This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed or Internet or blind dating, or worse, that she isn’t living a full enough life.
“Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day,” says Anderson. “Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out.”
4) What’s Said: “You’re too picky”
What’s Heard: This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. “This sends single women the message that their time to be choosy is up, that it’s now time to go out and pick up any chump.”
5) What’s Said: “Tone it down a notch.”
What’s Heard: You ask too many questions. You’re too intimidating. You’re overly opinionated. You’re too consumed with work.
“This is interpreted by single women to mean that they have to dial down their core identity a notch in order to attract potential suitors and make them feel comfortable,” says Anderson.
“Suggesting that a woman reduce the fullness of who she is to lure a mate will lead to an inauthentic connection, and is a recipe for a disastrous relationship or marriage. Because really, how long can any person fake it and maintain a facade?”
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