Funny Jokes
lovely • onJokes 11 years ago • 10 min read

• Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi? Girl: Tameez se baat karo. Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?

• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai? Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!

• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!

• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de. Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai.

• Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya? Banta: Haan. Santa: Kuri naal? Banta: Oye munde naal v hunda hai kya? Santa: Haan... Meri bhain da hoya si !

• Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?

• Santa meets his old friend. Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B. Friend: Oye, iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.

• Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain. Santa: Maine mana kiya that... Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

• Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si. Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

• Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai. Santa: Kaise? Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

• Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai. Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.

• Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!

• A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

• Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being. Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.

• Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai? Banta: No Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai? Santa: Aaho Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?

• Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao. Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.

• Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain. Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

• I can kiss u without even touching u. Gal: U can't Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki Gal: Ok Santa kisses her lips Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs

• Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything? Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!

• Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai. Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai. Santa: Kya naam hai. Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata

• Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me? Banta: Don't know. Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!

• Girl: Will you love me after marriage also? Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

• Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now. Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?

• Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water? Banta: 1 Frog. Santa: Theek hai hor das? Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.

• Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi. Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga. Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha.

• Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly. Man next 2 him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife. Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn

• Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai? Pappu: Pata nahi. Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo. Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai? Santa: Pata nahi. Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.

• Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain. Santa: Ye to hona hi tha. Nurse- Kyon? Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA

• Santa talking on phone. Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho? Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...? Santa: Tumhari hai.

• Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ? Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.

• Santa's son: Mere papa bahut darpok hain. Banta's son: How? Santa's son: Jab bhi road cross karte hain to meri ungli pakad lete hain aur kehte hain ki chodna mat.

• Gal: I think the poorest people are the haapiest. Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.

• What's an adult joke? Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.

• If u call ur mother as MUM what'll u call mother's younger sis & elder sis? Santa: Minimum and Maximum

• Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se pehle… Santa: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.

• Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain. Banta: Wow, Kab? Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.

• Pappu: Dad what's Sex? Santa gets tensed but explains everything. Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?

• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena. Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho? Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!

• Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain? Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?

• Santa eats 8 Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from Constipation. Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru...Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN nikal de.

• Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue. Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue. Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…

• Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai mein dhaka de doonga. Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena. Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?

• Baniye shayar ne arz kiya. Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par Kambakht, Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.

• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise? Rikshawala: 10 Rs Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega? Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.

• Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya. Banta: Kinu, tenu ke tere bapu nu?

• Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar chuke si? Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi v chad chuke si.

• Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not. Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.

• Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ? Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?

• Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy. Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.

• Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves U. It's only when U send her virgin. -Swami SexaaNand.

• Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook? Santa: Niri Afwah !!!

• Santa to wife: Did u hav any boy friend before marriage? Wife remain silent. Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu? Wife: Bewakoof ginan tan de.

• Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya. Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ? Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya, khade-khade karni padi.

• Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he? Santa: Airhostess!

• Santa: Dr. saab, I'm suffering from loose motion. Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai? Santa: Dr. saab, samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho !

• Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife? Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!

• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"

• Santa: What's the name of ur car? Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T" Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.

• Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop. Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?

• Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi Hill station par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge? Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!

Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga k main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon. Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua...

• Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car. Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

• Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha. Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo. Banta utha or khud nachne laga..

• Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi ne hai par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta? Papu: LADIES TOILET!

• Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic inspector stopped him. Banta: I'm learning car driving. Inspector: Without d instructor? Banta: Correspondence Course!

• Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi. Santa: Bolo. Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu! Santa: It's a gud News. Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

Husband
Kiss
Marriage
Phone
Wife

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