This woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" "John Smith," replies the woman.
"Gee," says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of John Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember what his last words were?"
The woman thinks for a moment, then says, "Oh yes! I remember them! He said that if I ever slept with another man after he was gone, he would roll over in his grave."
"Oh!" says Saint Peter. "You mean Whirling John Smith!" _
The Minister JokesWareHouse
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man: "Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled: "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
MountainWings - No Enemies Issue # 8037
The minister's sermon went on and on about how important it was to forgive people and reach out to them so as not to make enemies.
"Is there anyone in this church who can honestly say they have no enemies?" asked the minister.
Not a hand went up. But a few moments later, a very elderly lady in the back row raised her frail little hand.
"Please, come up and tell us what you have done over all these years that you can be so confident you have no enemies," asked the minister.
Dutifully the old woman limped up to the front of the church where she explained: "I outlived 'em all."
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