The things that men fear can be placed into four separate categories...
fear of failure
fear of rejection
fear of revelation
fear of subjugation
Fear of Failure... Men have been taught throughout childhood that success and self-worth are synonymous. They learn at early age that they must succeed in everything they do in order to be accepted as a worthwhile human being. Failure in any endeavor is just not acceptable.
That means they must succeed in school, in vocation, in all relationships, as a husband, as a father, as a breadwinner and as a lover. Any suggestion that they are not fulfilling a specific role in the most admirable way will create psychological problems that affect other relationships...including their marriage. A man who thinks he is failing on the job, for instance, will bring his feelings home to often transfer them to wife and children.
Fear of Rejection... Tied closely to the fear of failure is the fear of being rejected...because he is failing.
The areas of his life that are important to him are his fortress and foundation on which he builds self worth. To most men their vocations and family are top priority. More intimately they must feel total acceptance sexually by their partner. They need to be acknowledged as the "authoritative head of the household" by the wife and children. They need professional confirmation by their colleagues that they are an important and indispensable part of the corporate machinery.
The feeling that someone else could possibly take their place as worker, as husband, as father is a frightening thought to many men.
Fear of Revelation... Because of his fears of failure and rejection, a man will also fear that he is revealing his weaknesses. For this reason many men are afraid to reveal their "weak" emotions for fear they are revealing their "weak side". They cannot share their fears with the wife, for fear that she will see him as weak and unstable. He cannot reveal his weaknesses in any way...fearful that others may see him as less than a worthwhile man.
Fear of Subjugation... A universal neurosis of men is the fear of being brought under control, or conquered, by the female species. This fear has been exaggerated by the modern day "women's right movement" where women now enjoy more positions of authority in the workplace and home. Many marital arguments and divorce are created by the inability to define the proper roles of husband and wife. Many men regard a woman's requests or demands in the workplace and home as a threat to the male's honorable responsibility as leader, provider and protector. A woman in a police or military uniform only confirms this neurotic fear.
This brings us to the intensity of men's fears which reveals the reason many marriages end up in divorce.
Neurotic Husbands...
The normal fears of men and husbands can easily become exaggerated to the point that the man is "neurotically impaired".
The symptoms related to men's neurotic fears can be varied. Not all men reveal their neurosis in the same way. Some men become explosive, argumentative and domineering. Others become compulsive eaters, golfers, drinkers, workers, television addicts, etc. Some men become totally uncommunicative so as not to reveal their true feelings. Some become passive or shy, others the strong and silent type, while some retreat and back off from any meaningful conversations.
Some men even become more childlike with a "mother fixation". Others become hypochondriac while some become the "playboy". The fear of subjugation causes some men to become "neurotic tightwads" in an effort to maintain control of the wife and family with money.
Whatever the fear and however it is expressed, men need help to resolve their conflicts. While the fears exist a man cannot function well in the roles he has been given. Fear drives out love and closeness. It threatens every relationship and will ultimately drive away those who are close and important in his life.
All men have normal fears. That isn't a sign of weakness, just a reaction to reality. In understanding these fears we need to consider two things...the things that are feared and the intensity of fear. While most men fear the same things, the level of fear can be different. Some men can become neurotic regarding a certain thing, the symptoms of which are no fun to be around
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