_ THE COMPLETE SARDARJI ENCYCLOPEDIA _
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure "Give me a green one, please
Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected:" He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes
A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Punjab, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!!
What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
(He already has one and he wants one more)
He takes a photocopy of the white paper!
- Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would
like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," the Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.
I would like to buy this TV."
Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
- Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
- How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy...he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
- What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)
What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
- Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
- How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
- Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
- How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
- "Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
- Sardars Hari Singh and Gyani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gyani Singh.
- A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is covering in his seat. When his friend asks him "Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
- Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
- Having lost his donkey a Sardarji got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing what are you thanking God for?"
The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it tht I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
- Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, I read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
- Two dogs, Ruby and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Ruby!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
- Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street that has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared.
Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
- Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, but unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's going' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
- Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
- Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions. Following is the transcript: O: Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications and credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites.
S: Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions.
O: Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S: Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O: Ugly...U-G-L-Y (Officer spells it)
S: Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y (Our Sardar also spells it)
O: U.....G.....L ......Y.....(Officer shouts)
S: P ..... I..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L .....Y......(Our Sardar also shouts)
Officer is now angry.
O: Get out
S: Come in.
O: Quiet please.
S: Talk please.
O: You are rejected.
S: I am selected .
and this is how Santa Singh got his job.
- A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".
- Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his.
- One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.
Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which
Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.
Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs.
For which Sardar bargained for Rs.750.
It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost.
"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."
- A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
- Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
- A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him, splash on his face.
The Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly".
- A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
- Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
- Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his cheques so no one else could use them if he lost his chequebook?
- Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all of their burnt out light bulbs?
He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
- Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day. "Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put on two coats'."
- A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles the next day three miles the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day.
He replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
- Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
- Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
- Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert.
They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and the Sardar took the door.
After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the British said "If I get tired, I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
- Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" came first.
- Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver?
He missed the Earth!
- Thanx for spending time
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