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7:T40f,data:image/svg+xml;utf8,%3Csvg%20width%3D%2232%22%20height%3D%2232%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%2032%2032%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20role%3D%22img%22%20aria-label%3D%22Avatar%20for%20Sunny%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Crect%20width%3D%22100%25%22%20height%3D%22100%25%22%20fill%3D%22hsl(151%2C%2071%25%2C%2051%25)%22%20rx%3D%223.2%22%20%2F%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Ctext%20x%3D%2250%25%22%20y%3D%2250%25%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-family%3D%22sans-serif%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-size%3D%2212.8%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-weight%3D%22bold%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20fill%3D%22%23FFFFFF%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20dominant-baseline%3D%22central%22%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20style%3D%22user-select%3A%20none%3B%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20S%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3C%2Ftext%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%3C%2Fsvg%3E8:T1daa,<h2>The Psychology Of Guilt</h2>
<ul>
<li>Most people have been taught to feel guilty since childhood.</li>
<li>Guilt can be used to manipulate your behaviour.</li>
<li>The need for external approval makes guilt work.</li>
</ul>
<p>Most people have, at some point in their life, been conditioned (<em>learnt</em>) to feel guilty.  This guilt usually came from family, friends, society and/or religion who consciously or unconsciously, taught us to feel guilty  for thinking or acting in a certain way.</p>
<p>Take childhood for example. As children we were constantly reminded of our bad behaviour, and when we did something wrong, we were told by our parents or teachers how “disappointed” they were in us.</p>
<p><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff177/salviaforme/album2/disapointparguilt.jpg" alt="Childhood Guilt &amp; The Need For External Approval" /></p>
<p>The aim of this externally imposed guilt was to change your behaviour, by making you feel bad for what you did.</p>
<p>Once you were made to feel guilty enough you then did what your parent or teacher asked of you, so that you could escape from that guilt and win back their approval.</p>
<p>Guilt is therefore an extremely powerful tool which can be used to manipulate someone’s behaviour, and something which is strongly interlinked with the need for external approval.</p>
<p>In the articles on guilt we are going to be looking at both of these topics in detail, so that you can start living your life the way you want to live it, without being manipulated by externally imposed guilt.</p>
<p>So let’s start by looking at some of the reasons why guilt works, and later, the different types of guilt people commonly experience.</p>
<h2>Why Guilt Works</h2>
<p>One of the main reasons why guilt can be effective at influencing a person’s  behaviour, comes down to simple psychology and the conditioning we received as children.</p>
<p>Most children were taught to seek approval from their parents for the things they said or did. When we did something “good”, our parents gave us praise and acceptance. When we did something “bad” this praise was withheld, and replaced with disapproval.</p>
<p><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff177/salviaforme/album2/discipline_inlineguilt.jpg" alt="Childhood Guilt &amp; The Need For External Approval" /></p>
<p>Since virtually all children strongly desire to receive love and acceptance from their parents, the need for parental approval is something children will work very hard to get.</p>
<p>The result of this however, is that over time we eventually become conditioned to seek approval from others for the things we say and do.</p>
<p>This then causes us to feel that in order to receive approval from others, we must do things others approve of so that they can approve of us.</p>
<p>For example, have you have ever bought something such as an item of clothing, whilst at the same time thinking about what others would think if they saw you in it/with it?</p>
<p>If so, then your behaviour (<em>what you decided to purchase</em>) was influenced by your need for external approval.</p>
<p><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff177/salviaforme/album2/Girls20Shopping20Stock.jpg" alt="Childhood Guilt &amp; The Need For External Approval" /></p>
<h2>Activating The Need For External Approval</h2>
<p>When you do or say something others regard as being unacceptable or wrong, you activate a deeply ingrained need for external approval which you were taught to seek as a child.</p>
<p>Even though the person who has disapproved of your actions may not be your parent, the simple act of receiving disapproval automatically triggers a desire to “win” back that approval.</p>
<p>Therefore in order to avoid receiving disapproval, most of us (<em>through our childhood conditioning</em>) will go along with whatever is popular.</p>
<p>For example, we may have the similar opinions as our friends, have similar tastes in fashion and even behave in similar ways.</p>
<p><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff177/salviaforme/album2/twins0005_prv-fullinit_gui.jpg" alt="Childhood Guilt &amp; The Need For External Approval" /></p>
<p>Who you choose to conform to, is all dependent on who you regard as being important in your life. Usually these will be your family, close friends, actors, singers, athletes and work colleagues.</p>
<p>In order to be accepted by them, you essentially become them by doing things they will approve of.</p>
<h2>Guilt Through Disapproval</h2>
<p>Guilt is the uncomfortable feeling you experience when you do something you know will result in disapproval from those who are important to you.</p>
<p>It is a by-product of your actions conflicting with either your own, or an externally imposed moral code.</p>
<p>For example, you don’t want to eat cake because it will make you look fat, and if you look fat other people won’t find you .</p>
<p>However you choose to eat the cake anyway because you like eating cake (<em>internal code</em>), but afer finishing it you feel guilty for doing so.</p>
<p>In this example, your actions (<em>eating the cake</em>) conflicted with an externally imposed moral code. That being, if you eat cake it will make you fat, which means other people will not find you attractive.</p>
<p>The result of this conflict was feelings of guilt, because you did something which you thought would cause other people to disapprove of you (i.e. <em>not find you attractive</em>).</p>
<p>Although this guilt may stop you from eating another piece of cake in the short term, it is very unlikely to stop you from eating more cake in the future (<em>I will expand upon why this is in a later article</em>).</p>
<p><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff177/salviaforme/album2/42-17762060hguiol.jpg" alt="Childhood Guilt &amp; The Need For External Approval" /></p>
<p>As you can see, guilt can be a very effective means of influencing someone’s behaviour, as it activates our natural childhood need to be approved by others.</p>
<p>If we want someone’s approval badly enough, we will change the way we look, act and even think!</p>
<p>Guilt serves as the motivator which “encourages” us to change our behaviour by activating another human tendency, the desire to avoid pain and experience pleasure. By conforming to others, we can avoid the pain guilt causes us.</p>
<h2>Does Feeling Guilty Mean You Care?</h2>
<p>Compounding the influence of guilt further, is the association between guilt and caring. Most people have been taught that feeling guilty about something shows you care about it, and not feeling guilty means you don’t, which then makes you a “bad person”.</p>
<p>Of course the underlying implication behind this logic is that in order to become a “good person”, you must show that you do care by feeling guilty, and then proving it by conforming to the needs and wishes of those around you.</p>
<p><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff177/salviaforme/album2/530274759_e7d0df58f5guil.jpg" alt="Childhood Guilt &amp; The Need For External Approval" /></p>
<p>In reality, not feeling guilty about something does not mean you don’t care about it, as you are simply choosing to live by your own moral code (<em>what you believe to be good and right</em>) rather than an externally imposed moral code (<em>what society, friends &amp; family believe is good and right</em>).</p>
<p>Successfully overcoming guilt therefore comes from standing up for your beliefs, wants and needs, without being influenced by what other people think.</p>5:["$","$4",null,{"fallback":[[["$","link","css:/assets/_layout-BzYdn0f6.css",{"rel":"stylesheet","precedence":"vite-rsc/importer-resources","href":"/assets/_layout-BzYdn0f6.css","data-rsc-css-href":"/assets/_layout-BzYdn0f6.css"}],"$undefined"],["$","div",null,{"className":"flex justify-center items-center p-8","children":["$","div",null,{"className":"animate-spin rounded-full h-8 w-8 border-b-2 border-indigo-600"}]}]],"children":["$","div",null,{"className":"bg-white/95 mt-0.5 py-6 sm:py-12","children":["$","article",null,{"className":"mx-auto w-full max-w-2xl format format-sm sm:format-base lg:format-lg format-blue dark:format-invert","children":[["$","header",null,{"className":"mb-4 lg:mb-6 not-format","children":[["$","h1",null,{"className":"mb-4 text-3xl font-extrabold leading-tight text-gray-900 lg:mb-6 lg:text-4xl dark:text-white","children":"The Psychology Of Guilt"}],["$","address",null,{"className":"flex items-center mb-6 not-italic","children":["$","div",null,{"className":"inline-flex items-center text-sm text-gray-900 dark:text-white","children":[["$","img",null,{"className":"mr-3 w-8 h-8 rounded-full","src":"$7","alt":"Sunny"}],["$","a",null,{"href":"/author/sunny_73326181482902","rel":"author","className":"font-bold capitalize hover:underline dark:text-white","children":"Sunny"}],["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],["$","span",null,{"className":"inline-flex items-center ml-1 text-gray-500 dark:text-gray-400","children":"6 min read"}],["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],["$","time",null,{"dateTime":"Sat Sep 12 2009","className":"text-gray-500 dark:text-gray-400","children":"Sep 12, 2009"}],[["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],["$","a","general",{"href":"/t/general","className":"capitalize text-sm text-gray-500 dark:text-gray-400 hover:text-gray-600","children":"general"}]]]}]}]]}],["$","div",null,{"className":"lead prose mt-4 text-lg leading-8 text-gray-600","children":["$","div",null,{"dangerouslySetInnerHTML":{"__html":"$8"}}]}],"$L9","$La"]}]}]}]
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f:T40f,data:image/svg+xml;utf8,%3Csvg%20width%3D%2232%22%20height%3D%2232%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%2032%2032%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20role%3D%22img%22%20aria-label%3D%22Avatar%20for%20Guest%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Crect%20width%3D%22100%25%22%20height%3D%22100%25%22%20fill%3D%22hsl(280%2C%2080%25%2C%2050%25)%22%20rx%3D%223.2%22%20%2F%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Ctext%20x%3D%2250%25%22%20y%3D%2250%25%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-family%3D%22sans-serif%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-size%3D%2212.8%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-weight%3D%22bold%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20fill%3D%22%23FFFFFF%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20dominant-baseline%3D%22central%22%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20style%3D%22user-select%3A%20none%3B%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20G%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3C%2Ftext%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%3C%2Fsvg%3Ee:["$","div",null,{"className":"mt-8","children":[["$","h3",null,{"className":"text-xl font-semibold mb-4","children":["Voices (",3,")"]}],["$","div",null,{"className":"space-y-6","children":[[["$","div","78872326439318",{"className":"border-l-4 border-gray-200 pl-4","children":[["$","div",null,{"className":"flex items-center gap-2 mb-2","children":["$","address",null,{"className":"flex items-center mb-6 not-italic","children":["$","div",null,{"className":"inline-flex items-center text-sm text-gray-900 dark:text-white","children":[["$","img",null,{"className":"mr-3 w-8 h-8 rounded-full","src":"$f","alt":"Guest"}],["$","a",null,{"href":"/author/guest_73325980156310","rel":"author","className":"font-bold capitalize hover:underline dark:text-white","children":"Guest"}],["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],"$undefined",["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],["$","time",null,{"dateTime":"Tue Oct 13 2009","className":"text-gray-500 dark:text-gray-400","children":"Oct 13, 2009"}],"$undefined"]}]}]}],["$","p",null,{"className":"text-gray-700","children":"Thanks: It was a very interesting reading! I have never came to relating the feeling of guilt (which I have excessive, sometimes) to external disapproval. I have to say that my parents were not using this parenting strategy too much and they used to praise me for the things I do. Therefore, my feeling of guilt, or self-disappointment, must be having other roots. In anyway, we must not feel guilty for the things we do but do not receive the approval for. It is impossible to be good for everyone in this life, and what is really important is to learn how to compromise..."}],["$","div",null,{"className":"flex items-center mt-4 space-x-4","children":["$","button",null,{"type":"button","className":"flex items-center font-medium text-sm text-gray-500 hover:underline dark:text-gray-400","children":[["$","svg",null,{"className":"mr-1.5 w-3 h-3","aria-hidden":"true","xmlns":"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg","fill":"currentColor","viewBox":"0 0 20 18","children":["$","path",null,{"d":"M18 0H2a2 2 0 0 0-2 2v9a2 2 0 0 0 2 2h2v4a1 1 0 0 0 1.707.707L10.414 13H18a2 2 0 0 0 2-2V2a2 2 0 0 0-2-2Zm-5 4h2a1 1 0 1 1 0 2h-2a1 1 0 1 1 0-2ZM5 4h5a1 1 0 1 1 0 2H5a1 1 0 0 1 0-2Zm2 5H5a1 1 0 0 1 0-2h2a1 1 0 0 1 0 2Zm9 0h-6a1 1 0 0 1 0-2h6a1 1 0 1 1 0 2Z"}]}],"Reply"]}]}]]}],["$","div","78856992063894",{"className":"border-l-4 border-gray-200 pl-4","children":[["$","div",null,{"className":"flex items-center gap-2 mb-2","children":["$","address",null,{"className":"flex items-center mb-6 not-italic","children":"$L10"}]}],"$L11","$L12"]}],"$L13"],false]}]]}]
14:T40f,data:image/svg+xml;utf8,%3Csvg%20width%3D%2232%22%20height%3D%2232%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%2032%2032%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20role%3D%22img%22%20aria-label%3D%22Avatar%20for%20Guest%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Crect%20width%3D%22100%25%22%20height%3D%22100%25%22%20fill%3D%22hsl(280%2C%2080%25%2C%2050%25)%22%20rx%3D%223.2%22%20%2F%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Ctext%20x%3D%2250%25%22%20y%3D%2250%25%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-family%3D%22sans-serif%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-size%3D%2212.8%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-weight%3D%22bold%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20fill%3D%22%23FFFFFF%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20dominant-baseline%3D%22central%22%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20style%3D%22user-select%3A%20none%3B%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20G%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3C%2Ftext%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%3C%2Fsvg%3E10:["$","div",null,{"className":"inline-flex items-center text-sm text-gray-900 dark:text-white","children":[["$","img",null,{"className":"mr-3 w-8 h-8 rounded-full","src":"$14","alt":"Guest"}],["$","a",null,{"href":"/author/guest_73325980156310","rel":"author","className":"font-bold capitalize hover:underline dark:text-white","children":"Guest"}],["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],"$undefined",["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],["$","time",null,{"dateTime":"Mon Sep 21 2009","className":"text-gray-500 dark:text-gray-400","children":"Sep 21, 2009"}],"$undefined"]}]
11:["$","p",null,{"className":"text-gray-700","children":"It makes lot of sense...not: It makes lot of sense...not sure how everyone can relate it...but I am for sure....Nice Post."}]
12:["$","div",null,{"className":"flex items-center mt-4 space-x-4","children":["$","button",null,{"type":"button","className":"flex items-center font-medium text-sm text-gray-500 hover:underline dark:text-gray-400","children":[["$","svg",null,{"className":"mr-1.5 w-3 h-3","aria-hidden":"true","xmlns":"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg","fill":"currentColor","viewBox":"0 0 20 18","children":["$","path",null,{"d":"M18 0H2a2 2 0 0 0-2 2v9a2 2 0 0 0 2 2h2v4a1 1 0 0 0 1.707.707L10.414 13H18a2 2 0 0 0 2-2V2a2 2 0 0 0-2-2Zm-5 4h2a1 1 0 1 1 0 2h-2a1 1 0 1 1 0-2ZM5 4h5a1 1 0 1 1 0 2H5a1 1 0 0 1 0-2Zm2 5H5a1 1 0 0 1 0-2h2a1 1 0 0 1 0 2Zm9 0h-6a1 1 0 0 1 0-2h6a1 1 0 1 1 0 2Z"}]}],"Reply"]}]}]
15:T40f,data:image/svg+xml;utf8,%3Csvg%20width%3D%2232%22%20height%3D%2232%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%2032%2032%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20role%3D%22img%22%20aria-label%3D%22Avatar%20for%20Guest%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Crect%20width%3D%22100%25%22%20height%3D%22100%25%22%20fill%3D%22hsl(280%2C%2080%25%2C%2050%25)%22%20rx%3D%223.2%22%20%2F%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3Ctext%20x%3D%2250%25%22%20y%3D%2250%25%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-family%3D%22sans-serif%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-size%3D%2212.8%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20font-weight%3D%22bold%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20fill%3D%22%23FFFFFF%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20dominant-baseline%3D%22central%22%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20style%3D%22user-select%3A%20none%3B%22%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20G%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%3C%2Ftext%3E%0A%20%20%20%20%3C%2Fsvg%3E16:T5f6,Guilt: You were making some good points until you got to your version of reality, wherein you stated:

"...you are simply choosing to live by your own moral code (what you believe to be good and right) rather than an externally imposed moral code (what society, friends & family believe is good and right)."

This line of reasoning puts you on the express train to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  I'm sorry to inform you that redefining what is good and what is evil based upon your own selfish needs and desires is exactly how sociopaths and psychopaths are born.  

Regardless of what you might believe, Good and Evil are not arbitrary concepts.  No, it is not universally agreed as to what is Good or what is Evil.  Yes, there is a gray area that many, if not most, would concede is subjective (but not arbitrary).  However, regardless of what culture, religion or government one considers, the fundamental truths that define Good and Evil are self-evident and unchallenged.  In Judeo-Christian Ethics, it can be summed up by considering the Golden Rule, and it's close relatives.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
The good of the many outweighs the good of the few.

If you choose to cleanse yourself of guilt, shame and remorse when you violate these Truths, you are indeed Evil, and not because I say so.  We must live together and share this Earth.  Unrestrained selfishness and self interest would most certainly destroy us.  Please reconsider your hypothesis.13:["$","div","78856639742358",{"className":"border-l-4 border-gray-200 pl-4","children":[["$","div",null,{"className":"flex items-center gap-2 mb-2","children":["$","address",null,{"className":"flex items-center mb-6 not-italic","children":["$","div",null,{"className":"inline-flex items-center text-sm text-gray-900 dark:text-white","children":[["$","img",null,{"className":"mr-3 w-8 h-8 rounded-full","src":"$15","alt":"Guest"}],["$","a",null,{"href":"/author/guest_73325980156310","rel":"author","className":"font-bold capitalize hover:underline dark:text-white","children":"Guest"}],["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],"$undefined",["$","span",null,{"className":"mx-1 text-md text-gray-400 dark:text-gray-500","children":"·"}],["$","time",null,{"dateTime":"Sun Sep 20 2009","className":"text-gray-500 dark:text-gray-400","children":"Sep 20, 2009"}],"$undefined"]}]}]}],["$","p",null,{"className":"text-gray-700","children":"$16"}],"$L17"]}]
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