Things Not To Say While Making Love
pavan • onLove & Harmony 11 years ago • 4 min read

But everybody looks funny naked!

You woke me up for that?

Did I mention the video camera?

Do you smell something burning?

Try breathing through your nose.

A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

Did you lock the back door?

Whipped cream makes me break out.

“Is your first time?” “Yeah... today!”

Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!

Pass the remote control?

Do you accept Visa?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

On second thought, let’s do turn off the lights.

Just think -- I was going to try to pick up your friend!

So much for mouth-to-mouth.

Try not to leave any stains, okay?

Hope you look as good when I’m sober.

Do you get any premium movie channels?

Try not to smear my make-up, will ya?

Hey! I just had this couch cleaned.

Got any penicillin?

But I just brushed my teeth.

Smile! You’re on Candid Camera.

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs.

I want a baby.

So much for my sexual fantasy fulfillment.

Why am I doing all the work?

Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth.

Hmm. The ceiling needs painting.

Maybe you have it on backwards?

When does this start to feel good?

Put that blender back in the kitchen!

You’re good enough to do this for a living.

Is that blood on the headboard?

Did I remember to take my pill?

Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?

I wish we got the Playboy channel.

I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!

But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.

Did I mention that Aunt Martha died in this bed?

If you quit smoking, you might have more endurance.

No, really. I do this part better myself!

It’s nice being in bed with someone I don’t have to inflate!

This would be more fun with a few more people.

You’re almost as good as my ex!

Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

Is that you I smell?

You look younger than you feel.

Maybe you’re just out of practice.

For being so fat, you don’t sweat much!

They’re not cracker crumbs, it’s a rash.

Now I know why they dumped you.

Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

What tampon?

Have you ever considered liposuction?

And to think I didn’t even have to buy you dinner!

What are you planning for breakfast?

I have a confession to make…

I was so horny tonight, I would have taken home a duck!

Are those real or am I just behind the times?

Were you repressed as a child?

Is that a hanging sculpture?

You’ll still vote for me, won’t you?

Did I mention my sex change?

Did you come yet?

Want to know who I’m fantasizing about?

A good plastic surgeon can fix that.

Does this count as a date?

Oprah had a show about men like you.

Hic! I need another beer for this please.

I think biting is romantic, don’t you?

When would you like to meet my parents?

“Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like.” “Try yourself.”

Have you seen Fatal Attraction ?

Do you mind wearing this name tag?

Don’t mind me, I always file my nails in bed.

Do you mind if I make a phone call?

Don’t worry, he’s friendly for a Doberman.

Sorry, I don’t do toes!

You could at least pretend you’re enjoying it!

Petroleum jelly or not, I said no.

Keep it down. Mom’s a light sleeper.

Did you know I work for The Enquirer?

So that’s why they call you Mr. Flash!

My ex used to go a lot longer!

Is this also a sin?

When’s it my friend’s turn?

Long kisses clog my sinuses.

Understand: I’m only doing this for the raise.

How long do you plan to be “almost there?”

What do you mean: you’re not my blind date?

Husband
Like You
Phone
Romantic

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